I’ve never written a letter to Santa Claus, and I don’t intend to start. As a youngster, I visited him at the
mall and said I wanted to wait up for him on Christmas Eve. He responded by telling me that he wouldn’t bring me any
presents if I didn’t go to sleep. I’ve been cold to Santa ever since.

Now, I have no use for the big guy from the North Pole. Until he pulls Elizabeth Hurley out of his bag and places her
in front of my tree, I won’t be impressed. I sure as heck won’t write him a letter. But…if I did decide to
pen a note to old Saint Nick, here’s what it would look like.

I’d start by telling Santa that I’ve tried my best to be a good Wahoo. I went to the bowl game in December and
the ACC tournament in March. I even traveled to Raleigh to take in a basketball game at the RBC center, an arena where
Virginia has never won (Though I’ll probably leave out that I almost came to blows with an elderly Wolfpack fan with
breath that smelled like wintergreen Skoal). Alas, I’d give him my list of 25 wishes every Virginia fan should have
this Christmas.

...