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Slider

Joined: 9/29/13 Posts: 3652
Likes: 3076


My list...


1. Purchase the most comfortable sofa you can afford. You may end up sleeping on it (multiple times in my case).

2. If your spouse says to jump don't ask "How high?" Just jump...and don't stop until instructed otherwise.

3. If you buy ear plugs be sure they are the flesh colored type. Those are harder to see by your spouse.

4. Agree to take ballroom dancing classes with your spouse. But don't (I mean never) go when you're drunk. The dance instructors can get pretty testy if you ask them about pole dancing lessons and your spouse will never forgive you.

5. Go to church with your spouse as often as you can but never, ever pray out loud. One misstep when uttering a pray could bring down a house of pain from both your higher power and your spouse.

6. Learn how to fake a cardiac arrest. These come in handy when you really botch things and are truly afraid of the consequences when your spouse confronts you over your misdeeds.

7. Find a hobby that you and your spouse can share. Just make sure it is one that your spouse chooses (and learn to keep a smile on your face no matter how painful the activity may be to your sanity).

8. Forget learning catch phrases such as "I should have known better", "Let me make that up to you", and "If I could only do this over again but differently". Instead learn the only one that really works, "How large a diamond do you want?" (substitute television for diamond if your spouse is male).

9. Learn to sleep with your eyes open. This comes in really handy if you are going to a movie with your spouse and it is neither fun to watch nor entertaining. Just remember that there will likely be a test after the movie and you do not want to do poorly on that exam.

And lastly...

10. Remember that you are doing all of the above to make sure that your spouse knows that you really love them...and you can't afford the alimony either.

Good luck, Chief.

(In response to this post by 105A)

Posted: 02/14/2020 at 3:00PM



+5

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Current Thread:
 
  
What's the secret to a long marriage? -- 105A 02/14/2020 1:13PM
  Afraid I disagree -- NJHoo 02/15/2020 10:03AM
  Ah... Twooo Wuv... -- The Hook 02/15/2020 10:39AM
  As I posted earlier on the subject -- NJHoo 02/15/2020 10:58AM
  Yeah, that's where I'm kinda landing. ** -- chicken 02/15/2020 01:41AM
  Lots of truth -- NJHoo 02/15/2020 10:01AM
  Shy, retiring woman with bound feet ** -- Charleston Cav 02/14/2020 8:56PM
  Video Link. You gotta be The Man -- Skeets 02/14/2020 7:13PM
  Talk........then talk more. ** -- 74lodge 02/14/2020 6:48PM
  I'm speechless! ** -- Wahoo Gus 02/14/2020 8:46PM
  I didn’t, and wish I had. ** -- 74lodge 02/14/2020 9:37PM
  We've had some rocky moments to be sure -- NJHoo 02/14/2020 6:07PM
  Just so long as he himself likes box. -- The Hook 02/14/2020 11:14PM
  46 years here... -- praise1Hoo 02/14/2020 5:02PM
  30, but I'm a young buck. ** -- WAH00WA 02/14/2020 6:44PM
  47. ** -- WahooKnows 02/14/2020 6:33PM
  48 here -- Hoogle.com 02/14/2020 5:16PM
  As my MIL used to say... -- The Hook 02/15/2020 10:47AM
  mmmkay ** -- Trigon 02/15/2020 10:51AM
  Really like the last line. -- 105A 02/15/2020 01:11AM
  Don't buy her a gun. ** -- Saratoga Hoo 02/14/2020 3:39PM
  Introduce her to Colonel Angus** -- jackethoo 02/14/2020 3:32PM
  What has worked for me so far... -- QBSacker 02/14/2020 3:31PM
  Marry a woman who grew up with brothers. ** -- The Hook 02/14/2020 3:18PM
  NOW you tell me! -- Trigon 02/14/2020 5:43PM
  I'd say 75% is picking the right one ** -- Faz d. Hoo 02/14/2020 3:07PM
  My list... -- Slider 02/14/2020 3:00PM
  Separate houses. -- Jimmy Jazz 02/14/2020 2:54PM
  Hookers and blow... -- Hoos-SJ 02/14/2020 2:39PM
  Do the dishes. ** -- HOOGATORB 02/14/2020 2:01PM
  First, you get a box ** -- Mad Bowl Hoo 02/14/2020 1:49PM
  ...a CARDBOARD box....?????? ** -- QBSacker 02/14/2020 3:31PM
  Hear you (and 0.38 Special). -- 105A 02/14/2020 2:31PM
  Per my dad (57 years married), lots of tolerance ** -- JohnHoo2 02/14/2020 1:37PM
  ahh -- Trigon 02/14/2020 5:45PM
  The Gangster of Love ** -- ARKHOO 02/14/2020 1:35PM
  The Pompatuss of Love. ** -- jdubforwahoowa 02/14/2020 1:40PM
  You mean like give her a nice quilt? ** -- hoomonger 02/14/2020 1:34PM
  Hand stitched, B. ** -- Ronald Mexico 02/14/2020 1:36PM
  It says that.... -- The Hook 02/14/2020 11:28PM
  Don't sweat the small stuff ** -- HokieNLot11 02/14/2020 1:21PM
  Keeping my mouth shut ** -- ARKHOO 02/14/2020 1:16PM
  Know Your Role and Shut Your Mouth. -- jdubforwahoowa 02/14/2020 1:39PM

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