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The Corner


Joined: 9/29/13 Posts: 3652
Likes: 3076

My list...

1. Purchase the most comfortable sofa you can afford. You may end up sleeping on it (multiple times in my case).

2. If your spouse says to jump don't ask "How high?" Just jump...and don't stop until instructed otherwise.

3. If you buy ear plugs be sure they are the flesh colored type. Those are harder to see by your spouse.

4. Agree to take ballroom dancing classes with your spouse. But don't (I mean never) go when you're drunk. The dance instructors can get pretty testy if you ask them about pole dancing lessons and your spouse will never forgive you.

5. Go to church with your spouse as often as you can but never, ever pray out loud. One misstep when uttering a pray could bring down a house of pain from both your higher power and your spouse.

6. Learn how to fake a cardiac arrest. These come in handy when you really botch things and are truly afraid of the consequences when your spouse confronts you over your misdeeds.

7. Find a hobby that you and your spouse can share. Just make sure it is one that your spouse chooses (and learn to keep a smile on your face no matter how painful the activity may be to your sanity).

8. Forget learning catch phrases such as "I should have known better", "Let me make that up to you", and "If I could only do this over again but differently". Instead learn the only one that really works, "How large a diamond do you want?" (substitute television for diamond if your spouse is male).

9. Learn to sleep with your eyes open. This comes in really handy if you are going to a movie with your spouse and it is neither fun to watch nor entertaining. Just remember that there will likely be a test after the movie and you do not want to do poorly on that exam.

And lastly...

10. Remember that you are doing all of the above to make sure that your spouse knows that you really love them...and you can't afford the alimony either.

Good luck, Chief.

(In response to this post by 105A)

Posted: 02/14/2020 at 3:00PM


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