75 Things That Will Happen This Football Season

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The title says it all, right? Let’s go then.

1. Temple and Akron give Virginia more trouble than most are expecting.

2. But not enough to pull the upset.

3. Chris Rix finally lives up to…snicker…the…snicker…hype. O.K., I couldn’t even type that with a straight face.

4. But Rix’s problems aren’t enough to keep Florida State from overcoming Miami and winning its 12th conference title.

5. But it’ll be a dogfight.

6. The Cavalier Marching Band will turn out to be a good investment.

7. And they’ll help transform the game day environment.

8. They’ll even play to both sides of the stadium.

9. Virginia fans come to wish that there weren’t four straight home games in September and October. Spread ’em out a bit next time, please.

10. Virginia players will wish they had some of those home games in late November.

11. New coach John Garrett teaches our receivers some new tricks for getting some separation from cornerbacks.

12. New coach Mark D’Onofrio teaches Rutgers not to let its recruiting coordinator leave, especially to a school already intent on recruiting New Jersey hard.

13. Clemson quarterback Charlie Whitehurst will prove to be the most overhyped player in the ACC.

14. The runner-up to that award will be Nick Novak.

15. But that won’t stop Connor Hughes from being named first team All-ACC.

16. North Carolina will fall in Charlottesville for, like, the 50th straight year.

17. They’ll fall a lot of other places as well, including Chapel Hill.

18. Sadly for ACC fans, this will finally be the year that John Bunting doesn’t make it out alive.

19. Thanks to Ribbon Board technology, I’ll get to see somewhat creepy close-ups of Ahmad Brooks ‘s eyes more than 60 times.

20. A pumped-up Maryland player loudly declares that “We must protect this house,” as the rest of his team surrounds him clapping.

21. The rest of the country yawns.

22. The surprise of the year will be Jonathan Stupar , who’ll make the post-Heath Miller years seem a little brighter.

23. Heath Miller will announce after the